Isaac's 1st chemo

Isaac's first day of chemo was Friday January 8, 2016. This was a very hard and scary day for us. We really weren't sure what to expect. All we knew was that we were going to try and make the best of it. Isaac's friend Collin came with us and stayed with us the whole time we were in the hospital for his first treatment. As you can see above Isaac always had a smile on his face no matter what. At times he would be scared out of his mind but very rarely ever let it show. He always tried to be so strong for everyone else, even when his own world was getting tossed upside down. I unfortunately was not as good at hiding my emotions. I tried but when you don't know the outcome of your child's future it is very devastating. To hear the words your son has cancer, it is very aggressive, and we have to act fast. Well there isn't even time to think and process everything. You just feel as though you are getting pulled in every direction and so much is happening so fast.

As I sit here and try to rewrite Isaac's whole journey from the beginning to his last breathe, I even find I am getting ahead of myself at times. There was so much that happened so fast and at times it is hard to replay everything in your head because the emotions can just become so overwhelming, but this is something that I want to do for Isaac, myself, and for everyone else. Sometimes things might seem a little out of place but I am doing my best. I just don't want to leave out anything because it is all so very important.

So to back up a little... The day Dr Rougraff sat us down and talked to us for the first time, which was Wed December 23, 2015, was beyond terrifying for all of us. Tears flowed from every one of our eyes. We all had so many questions. At the time though it is so hard to focus. Your mind like instantly goes into a cloud and your mind becomes filled with a haze. So many thoughts just racing through. You come up with a question but as fast as you think of it somehow it just disappears and you try to remember what you wanted to ask but then just become frustrated because it just won't come back to you. The doctor is talking and explaining everything but half the words you don't understand or know the meaning of. You want to remember every detail but so much information is coming to you all at once that it is impossible to remember everything. You came unprepared with nothing to write with because you definitely were not expecting to hear what you just heard. Now looking back I guess it would have been super smart to pull out a phone and hit record but like I said at the time the thought never even crossed my mind. So for those of you reading this and just starting a journey might want to think about that. It would probably even be a better solution then pen and paper because you want to focus on what the doctor is telling you and not on trying to keep up writing everything. Then later you can go back through and listen and try to take notes, write down questions, and look up words you don't know. Yeah I tell you it is all very overwhelming. The tears are uncontrollable, the headaches turn to migraines, the weight on your chest gets heavier and heavier. You not only have to think about the child who is sick but you have to think and prepare for your other child or children as well. There is no time to even think you just have to react. The doctor is giving you a game plan for the child that is ill now you have to carry it out and make it happen, but at the same time you have to make a game plan for the others and don't forget pets if you have them. As a mom you feel torn, you love both your children but know you can't be in two places at once. Then if you are a single mom as I am you don't get help from a mate. However, my parents totally stepped up to the plate and so did many members of our community and surrounding communities.

At first Royce was getting tossed around. I would stay with him and my dad would take Isaac, then when I took Isaac, Royce would stay with a friend or my parents. I would have a neighbor or one of Isaac's friends feed and let the dogs out. At first I was in a relationship but that didn't last long. Your man is supposed to be your support and have your back. They are supposed to ease the troubled times you are going through. However, that wasn't the case. The relationship became more of a burden than anything. I couldn't even trust him to take care of the dogs let alone anything else. This is all putting things mildly for now because I want to focus on Isaac's and our journey together. Yes all of what I am saying is a part and explains what we were going through at the time but if and when I ever actually write a book I can put all the extra detail into that. To sum that all up just know I had to end the relationship. I had enough on my plate and couldn't handle any more.

Anyway, after we met with Dr Rougraff for the first time, had Isaac's biopsy, got referred to Dr Cipkala, met him and went over Isaac's road map, had Isaac's surgery to put his central line into place, had many other test and labs done, now we still had to have Isaac's braces removed off of his teeth before he could ever start chemo. Yes who would have ever guessed that. Once they explained it though it all made sense. When a person has braces they have a high risk of cutting their lip, cheek, tongue, or gums on the brackets or wires in turn that cut can get infected especially when someone is on chemo and their body is unable to fight infection. Things can get very serious very quickly. So yes braces had to come off. By the time we were able to get an appointment with the orthodontist to have them removed, that brought us to Isaac's first chemo on Fri Jan 8, 2016. They had hopes on getting it started sooner but that just wasn't going to happen so you do the best you can.

Isaac's 1st chemo started off ok but turned ugly rather quickly. They put us in room 20 for our first visit. This was the biggest room they had and it was decorated all with Peyton Manning's memorabilia. This led to Peyton being one of Isaac's biggest idols. Anyway we got settled in and it was still going to be a bit before they hung and started Isaac's chemo so we enjoyed the game and teen rooms a bit. They had a jukebox and a basketball game in the game room and of course that was a pretty big hit for Isaac. He also enjoyed the air hockey in the teen room. Royce also enjoyed those as well when he was able and allowed to come visit. Once they hung and started Isaac's chemo we tried to enjoy movies together in his room. However, I wouldn't say say that worked out so well. Isaac became nauseous rather quickly and the vomiting set in. He became rather miserable quite quickly. As a mom you feel helpless. There is nothing you can do to make him feel better. All you can do is grab a puke bag and hold it for him. Then clean him up and help change the bedding if need be. Then repeat. Tell him you love him and are so sorry he is going through this and pray to God to help and guide you through all of this. By the time we left the hospital, Isaac was doing a little better because the chemo had stopped a couple days prior we just had to wait for it to pass out of his system.